A Particle Accelerator Love Song

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A Particle Accelerator Love Song
By Brent Baldwin

In the beginning, we are primordial. Two unformed charges, floating amongst the billions. Is it fate or some grand design that casts us together? When I find you, I see the shape of my completion. A reflection of my better self. When you tell me you see the same in me, I am yours. From that instant there is no force in the heavens or on Earth that can contain our love. We are two charges among billions, awaiting our fates, our inevitable union. Guided by walls invisible, caressed forward by winds unfeelable.
Ticking, ticking, ticking, but what is time in the face of love? You and I are perfection, accelerating toward madness, toward infinity, at speeds we can barely comprehend.
I am bare to you. Physically, emotionally, not a speck of neutrality left. My heart swells when you cast your gaze upon me. My body is inadequate to contain my affection, and so I grow that I may love you more. Surrounded by a cold world, I find all the warmth I need in your smile, your touch, your embrace.
The flames of our love grow until they burn hotter than any have ever burned before. Few can see them, and none but us can feel the sparks. We love and we laugh and we grieve and we cry. Time slows for us. We are larger than life. What we have together transcends observation, transcends the laws of the universe as we know them.
Time takes its toll on us, as it always does. We mature together. Old friends depart, but we continue onward, too smitten or too stubborn to stop. None would mistake us for the youths we once were. Even so, you are still charmed by my strangeness; I am still charged by your top… and your bottom.
Opposites attract, they say, but we are not so different, you and I. Two hearts, peeled bare, pushing and struggling to find our way in the cold world. Opposites attract, and familiarity breeds contempt. We never thought it would come to this. Never thought our paths would diverge.
It feels like nothing at first. A lovers’ quarrel. Our attentions are diverted. How could they not be? Life is a vast river, and we are but two leaves caught in its current. A careless look. A thoughtless word. Unhealed wounds fester, and our relationship turns into a spiral of venom and despair. It is inevitable, perhaps. Circumstances change. People change. We go our separate ways.
My winter of isolation is long and lonely. Ragged fingers drum a staccato rhythm upon my skull. One moment I feel as if I will burst, the next as if I will disintegrate. Time moves on, but I cannot forget. Will never forget.
Faster and faster. Larger and larger. I am impelled, propelled, compelled. Where are you, love? Can you hear my silent sobs, my soundless cries?
Life is a whirlwind, carrying us ever apart. Each day with you was an eternity of light. Each day without you is an eternal darkness. When I look inward, I see nothing. Neither good nor bad. Just emptiness. Now and again I feel you nearby. The flutter of a heartbeat. The silence of a held breath.
We pass in the night, barely acknowledging the gulf between us.
And then.
And then a quiet nod. A whisper. A moment. A reconciliation. Our days grow short. Our annihilation grows nigh.
Union, disunion, reunion.
There are only two possibilities: yes or no, positive or negative, attraction and reaction.
You’re coming for me, and I’m coming for you. Heat reaches my face, ignites me with passion I only ever imagined. I’ll be your Higgs, if you’ll be my boson.
It’s over in an instant, but in that instant we live an infinity of lifetimes. The fabric of the universe bends to our will. Time stands still for us, only us. Two hearts, specks of sand on a beach, motes in the eye of God, grown large at the speed of love.
Quarks and gluons and meson and bosons. We are again stripped bare before the eyes of the heavens, reduced beyond even our primordial selves. And then it’s over. We are not who we were when we started. Our love, fated to this union, this collision, will endure far beyond our existence.
I am wrung out, exhausted, a shell of my former self, but I would do it again. A trillion billion million times.

About the Author: 
Brent Baldwin is a software engineer and writer from the tree-swept hills of the Missouri Ozarks. He is a fervent believer in airplanes, air conditioning and Samwise Gamgee.